She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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