Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
