my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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