I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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