I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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