I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food