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Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Randomize
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