The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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