you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
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tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.