She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.