____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she pinky promised me she was 18
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers