I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail