Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?

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  (516): why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo? http://tfl.nu/oqag
  Replies (16) Good night (2766) Bad night (684)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

  (914): View more from New York

  No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

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  (508): Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized (914): No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes." http://tfl.nu/s64m
  Replies (23) Good night (3182) Bad night (738)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic

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  (917): She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic http://tfl.nu/5xzq
  Replies (37) Good night (5080) Bad night (1430)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.

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  (989): We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning. http://tfl.nu/h1ay
  Replies (23) Good night (5081) Bad night (691)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.

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  (708): High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay. http://tfl.nu/m4rp
  Replies (20) Good night (5161) Bad night (859)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug

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  (815): shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug http://tfl.nu/1b7i
  Replies (3) Good night (758) Bad night (2923)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too

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  (310): I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too http://tfl.nu/t8cv
  Replies (17) Good night (4797) Bad night (1484)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly

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  (678): I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly http://tfl.nu/mkzb
  Replies (6) Good night (3067) Bad night (948)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  sounds about right

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  (215): judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend. (609): sounds about right http://tfl.nu/kfa3
  Replies (0) Good night (1233) Bad night (362)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened

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  (505): I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened http://tfl.nu/wwzi
  Replies (9) Good night (503) Bad night (1172)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested

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  (914): Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested http://tfl.nu/5edf
  Replies (4) Good night (1737) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.

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  (708): They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me. http://tfl.nu/8o6m
  Replies (3) Good night (1139) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.

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  (606): Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend. http://tfl.nu/7yx3
  Replies (3) Good night (680) Bad night (275)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...

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  (412): It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down... http://tfl.nu/0wb7
  Replies (2) Good night (397) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Two dicks, one me.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yoga's definitely paying off.

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  (832): Two dicks, one me. (832): Yoga's definitely paying off. http://tfl.nu/ljaq
  Replies (9) Good night (793) Bad night (251)

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