Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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