Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape

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  (617): May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape http://tfl.nu/qfom
  Replies (12) Good night (4558) Bad night (1616)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.

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  (814): Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader. http://tfl.nu/y8oj
  Replies (62) Good night (7100) Bad night (876)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill

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  (206): I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill http://tfl.nu/rtkb
  Replies (23) Good night (5659) Bad night (666)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

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  (269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing. http://tfl.nu/disx
  Replies (22) Good night (2745) Bad night (6509)
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  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful

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  (345): Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful http://tfl.nu/njho
  Replies (8) Good night (3553) Bad night (1120)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level

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  (434): i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level http://tfl.nu/1fd3
  Replies (11) Good night (3084) Bad night (1719)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children

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  (305): It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children http://tfl.nu/y5x1
  Replies (9) Good night (3005) Bad night (1069)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup

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  (207): I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup http://tfl.nu/gqz1
  Replies (20) Good night (1657) Bad night (655)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.

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  (517): Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/zmql
  Replies (15) Good night (1648) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer

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  (425): My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer http://tfl.nu/p8ct
  Replies (2) Good night (1047) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.

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  (330): As yoda would say; A bitch, she is. http://tfl.nu/vx3o
  Replies (3) Good night (1133) Bad night (428)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.

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  (203): Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached. http://tfl.nu/x9l2
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (489)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.

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  (618): I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat. http://tfl.nu/8lem
  Replies (2) Good night (829) Bad night (516)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.

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  (615): I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking. http://tfl.nu/6e5l
  Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.

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  (615): I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving. http://tfl.nu/50sh
  Replies (6) Good night (337) Bad night (220)

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