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• (417): View more from Missouri

  You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You can't be serious.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My vagina agrees.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!

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  25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose

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• (315): View more from New York

  I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.

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  27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  wow. THAT good huh

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.

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