Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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