I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
