Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
