I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
