I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
