She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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