It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
