and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
