Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
