She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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