grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
