i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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