thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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