all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
