just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
