I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
