I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I understand Curling. That high.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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