i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
