time to smoke my breakfast
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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