There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
wow bdsm is so cute
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