I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we should paint friendship bongs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
