I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
