YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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