Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
