Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
ok first of all what the fuck
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
