Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
