i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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