I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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