You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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