After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
