we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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