Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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