Where is the hickey?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The best revenge is premature balding
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
