just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
