Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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