wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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