i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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