Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
