My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
