I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
