Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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