He uses pillows to masturbate.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
