everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
