Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
