So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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