You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
