I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
