You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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