I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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