im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
