I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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