Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
