Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The best revenge is premature balding
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
