help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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