Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
