You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
