I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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