my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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